Some are quotes that I and my friends have come up with; the ones stolen from notable people are annotated.

" Life is like an orange. Peel it wrong, and it will zap you in the eye."
-moi

"Oh, go choke on a crumpet!"
-moi

"My life is in emotional turmoil."

"art thou not groovy?"

"Don't judge me." ;)

"Life hurts your feelings. I think people whine about stuff too much. C'mon, man, just get up and do it."
-Brad Bird, director of The Incredibles

"In practice, No Child Left Behind has meant No Child Gets Ahead for gifted students"
-Joyce Clark

If all the world's a stage, men need better lines.

Guys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright.

I'm not an over-achiever; you're stupid.

"That would be really fun if it didn't kill us.."

"I'm a very busy wo-o-man, Miss. Carter, I.."
-Johnny

"This is a scurvy tune, too; but here's my comfort!"
-Shakespeare, via "The Tempest" in Stephano

"Some people make fun of aDD, but they just don't --OOH LOOK! a chicken!"

"Keep watching. I might do a trick."

"If life is a long, winding road, then my best advice for you would have to be:
Don't step in the (censored)."

"If I pay you, then will you go away?"
-Watters. (just for you, amanda..)

"I am your father's brother's uncle's cousin's former roommate."


Helmet: What the hell am I looking at? When does this happen in the movie?
Sandurz: Now. You're looking at now, sir. Everything that happens now, is happening now.
Helmet: What happened to then?
Sandurz: We passed then?
Helmet: When?
Sandurz: Just now. We're at now, now.
Helmet: Go back to then.
Sandurz: When?
Helmet: Now.
Sandurz: Now?
Helmet: Now.
Sandurz: I can't.
Helmet: Why?
Sandurz: We missed it.
Helmet: When?
Sandurz: Just now.
Helmet: When will then be now?
- Spaceballs, the movie (mel brooks)

"a man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary."
-Margaret Mead

"Smurfology. mwa ha --insert maniacal laughter here--"
-moi

"I am omlette, the cheese Danish"
-Complete Works of William Shakespeare: abridged

Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

The greatest thing you'll ever learn/is just to love/and to be loved in return
-song from Moulin Rouge

I love deadlines. I especially love the wooshing sound they make as they fly by.
-Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas adams

I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

It said nothing, as it was a tree, and trees don't talk. .. But, just because trees don't talk doesn't mean they aren't listening..
-from "the muffin tree" clip from muffinfilms.com, by amy winfrey

"I think we all agree the past is behind us. "
- (who else?) bush

"Thou jousting monkey, thou!"
-margaret, mangling the bard..

and there was much rejoicing. yay.
-monty python

"I know nothing, nothing nothing! -I know nothing all day long! I know absolutely nothing --how do you like my nothing song?"
-the nothing song, by whatsherface... (ahem.. senility is a curse..)

"When the phrase, 'bright and early' no longer applies to the time you have to catch the bus, something's not right."
-moi

"Once you accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy."
-albert Einstein

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being my head on the top bunk until I faint."
-Erma Bombeck

"I cherish the greatest respect towards everybody's religious obligations, never mind how comical"
-Herman Melville

Power is corrupt. absolute power is kinda fun!

"Knowledge which is aquired under compulsion obtains no hold on the mind."
-Plato

Homestarrunner: Welcome to Homestarrunner.net! -- director *whispers*: It's dot.com!! h.s.r: Welcome to homestarrunner.net. It's dot-com!
-homestarrunner.com, intro

Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean everyone isn't out to get me!

Do the words, 'bite-sized morsel' strike fear in your heart?

"What's your sign?" "Sorry, we're closed" mwa ha ha corny.. sorry..

"Shee! You guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off!"
-hitchhiker's

Stop the world I wanna get off.

Tintinabulation is an onomatopeia.
-moi

May you be showered with llamas and eggnog.
-margaret..

George: They're flying him home this afternoon. aunt Tilly: In a plane??
-It's a Wonderful Life, the stage-version

Back off, or I'll poke you with my hair chopsticks..

Thou liest!
the Tempest

Every story, new or ancient, battered tale or work of art/ all are tales of human failings, are all tales of love at heart.
aida, by Tim Rice and Elton John

all that is gold does not glitter; not all who wander are lost. The old that is strong does not wither; deep roots are not reached by the frost.
-JRR Tolkien

Does the walker choose the path, or the path the walker?
Garth Nix

Well behaved women rarely make history.

Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors!

Life is pain, Highness. anyone who says different is selling something.
Princess Bride

That twould be great fun.. if we didn't get killed.

Inigo: Who are you? Westley: No one of consequence. Inigo: I must know! Westley: Get used to disappointment.
Princess Bride

You have 5 brain cells. 3 are dead, and the other 2 are fighting for dominance.

The man may be the head of the family, but the woman is the neck and can turn the man anyway she wants.
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Your happy bubble has corners, and thereby pops other people's spheres of joy.
-moi

Why is it that when you're sick you're able maintain a relative sequitorial train of thought, sucessfully saying things even like sequitorial, but as soon as you notice that it's balmy at 40 degrees and at sunday afternoon and try to get up and walk out the door, you promptly fall on your face? -or is it just me?
-moi

We all believe all sorts of things that aren't true; We call it history. a man's called a traitor or liberator, a rich man's a thief or philantropist. Is one a crusader or a ruthless invader? It's all in which label is able to persist. There are precious few at ease with moral ambiguities, so we act as if though they don't exist.
from the song "Wonderful," from Wicked

a woman moved is like a fountain troubled; muddy, ill seeming, thick, bereft of beauty.
-The Taming of the Shrew

famous women quotes, twain, selections from oxymoronica and ..